i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
