so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize