do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
