just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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