there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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