Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
