i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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