I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
