I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
