we have officially lost it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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