hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
