Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
