I'm pants shitting drunk right now
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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