omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Less talking, more tequila
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
