You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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