this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
