My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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