whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
