I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
