I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
