They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Randomize
