I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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