Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
she smelled like a LAN party
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
