Where are you?
In a non slutty way
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
