My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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