I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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