The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
