coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
