Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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