you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
