you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
