that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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