The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
