Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
