I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
