so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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