I heard we made out
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
