Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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