I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
