Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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