Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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