Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He kissed a someone with a penis
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
