never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
