i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
