So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
