we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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