once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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