You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
