Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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