go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
