I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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