So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
