who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he was CRYING into my vagina
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
