youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
