her facebook's as public as her vagina
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
