She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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