good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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