I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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