She went from zero to smokin in five shots
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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