How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
