Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
