I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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