Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
