A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
