you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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