What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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