you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.