You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
