your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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