4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The Olympian is in my bed
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
