ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
