I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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