It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
