Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
