You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just want to make out with him forever
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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