Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
