Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
