im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
