We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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