i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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