My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
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