why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
