be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
